At night

laughter drips from my lips
and huddles close to me.
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bahahah alfred is singing right now.. who tries to delete this, but i'm too fast! [evil chuckle]

-The Study Lounge Slackers-

*fob poses were actually their idea :-)

end of a heroic couplet

2/13/06

As the cycle of the world shall endear,
What burned ardently, may now disappear.
Of all that remains, just a paled smile,
Captured, titled, as mere versatile.

Across lines of infringement

11/05/05

I bring my arms up to the red sky
as opposition showers down in soft bullets.
And like the tongue of a statue, I keep silent.

Then Extinction follows shortly
because Dignity left her castle and drowned.

It appears that the more we age,
the more constraints we endure -
for Tomorrow enjoys confronting face to face.

A hint of summer

"Rummage through your day. What do you find?"

[Boring history webcast!]
[Cookie dough at yopo!]
Then..
[A trip to the cloudless blue sky!]
- an isolated but open place, up high where all the small components come together in singing chorus - the streets, the trees, the buildings, the ocean, the horizon.. where you get to breathe in the big picture. Blemishes and imperfections are made invisible to the eye, and all that is seen is simple, breath-taking beauty.
Just like memories - after much time, sometimes we are able to overlook the grievances and quietly relish the remnants of joy.
This afternoon I witnessed my familar world, usually trudged through day after day, in a wholly different perspective. Wow.
My friend nudged me, Look at the people below - they look so insignificant and unimportant.

Are they? I see individual lives going about their way, and I wonder how they feel.

A quarter of the college career is almost over.. Time runs around as an intriguing force that propels such change.

dorkified with a paper cut to the forehead (last time I got one on my knee)

spent nine hours today absorbing the goodness of the library... yet even with the deadline of my paper approaching rapidly, I still find ways to squeeze in bits of procastination - like right now :-)

Around 3 am I entered my room with full intention of quickly changing into comfy clothes... but emerged much much later after attacking unsuspecting carrot sticks, pineapple wedges, half a box of beloved thin mints, and a pound of feta + crackers with Jingy. ahh the joy of eating. We discussed having 'special' designated drawers of cheese in future apartment fridges and co-hosting exciting cheese parties (yay, the discovery of a fellow cheesy friend! bahaha).

..Sitting here in the study lounge for an all nighter & all dayer... Two floormates are passed out because of the beastly clutches of school - one on the couch, the other on the floor with a pillow. Sleep sounds extremely appealing right now, but I don't deserve it just yet~
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With all its overused redundancy, was reminded again: I'm not perfect and neither are others. thus a calling for forgiveness and acceptance ..the thought that there is but one life to live echoes in my head.. to fill what's empty and empty what's full.

..I noticed when I become stressed or sad, I crane my face to the sky or ceiling in silent Korean Hanul nim do wa joo seh yo. Then I feel better because I don't feel so alone.
Thank you.

hidden treasure

Doe library is amazing. Where were you all my life?

I'm in awe of the suspended-books-artwork by the big stairway, the helpful librarians, the roly-poly book cases, the blanket of peace and serenity..

quite beautiful for studying~ [insert nerdy glee]

All I compute

in my head is FUDGE THIS and FUDGING A. (yes, be fearful of my fearsome words)
lethargic since spring break.
neglecting school and life.
basically, just dwelling in a vegetative state of mind.

I would make a nice potato.

MISSING: please return to owner if found
-ability to focus, focus, focus
-motivation
-my black umbrella...which 90% of berkeley has, but it mysteriously 'disappeared' from my hall! oh, how it helped protect me from EVIL rain which is only nice watching from a window but not when you have short legs with too long jeans so that you get soaked from your squeaky shoes to the knees.


Temporarily, many things are swirling
down
the
drain.

We got drenched with Gold Confetti while

dancing, forgetting,
bouncing in my bare feet
--------------------------------


mass hallway meetings:
mmm 15 minutes ago I demolished
a taco, half a chicken sandwich, cheese pizza, & stuffed jalapeno..

Today I was told,

Anything we can lose, we become anxious about it - because of our fear of diminishment.


It rings truth.

I have fears of losing people who I care about, whether it is physically or emotionally. I'm fearful of being cast in unfavorable light, becoming forgotten. At times I'm selfish and vain, wanting to be endeared and understood - but who doesn't desire these things?

A rapidly fading semester has droned through series of notorious motions: waiting, contemplating, being confuddled, being bitter. If I had to delicately pinpoint a recurring theme with my finger, it'd be feeling mostly empty. The disease called Nothingness needs to be repelled by converting this drought into a construction for the classic "stronger, independent self." But my other, much weaker side cannily whispers, you need the antidote of warmth!

I am given unconditional love. But I suffer from certain blindness.. and still mull over obscure, impermanent affection.

..And then I was asked, What do you put your priority on? Who you are or what you have?

The Fantastic 4: Family Friends Faith FOOD

The Journey Home: half-ran through the airport because I am a sucker for taking my time and suffering panic-y anxiety later. Combated paranoid fear of the plane crashing like in Lost (my current homage to TV entertainment) with mumbled prayer, sleep, and Eisley.
Later I used my mad, middle-aged-Asian-woman skills to obnoxiously climb up the escalator towards my mom and sisters.
Gorged homemade kimbap in the car ("mmm" multiplied by a very big number.) Gave the little ones The Ultimate Gift of Japanese Junk Food. Came home sweet familiar home at 2 am, fell in love with the new puppies, discovered that my brothers grew more huge & almost manly- ahaha.

During Spring Break I....

*Fought and lost to a craving for frosting while baking cookies
*Was startled by my dad's thinning hair and my mom's weary face. I felt sad and scared at the thought of my parents becoming old
*Barged into my grandparents' home to hug/talk/eat my grandma's sweet potatoes.
*Braved the highways and my lacking sense of direction to visit a good friend for adventures galore, contemplative talks…met new characters and curiosity :)
*Decided that Whole Foods (ahh their free samples! Move over COSTCO) is my new hero.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[commerical break!]
Fudge. Lost is incredibly good. (just finished watching an episode)
~the power of forgiveness, revenge, character development, and above all, mystery/suspense. !!exclamation points!!! must spread the love: watch it!
I am way, sucked in.
---------------------------------------bahaha------------------------------

*Made cornbread with uhh much frosting.
*Learned about agribusiness, that Lincoln was born in Kentucky, and other very important things to know in 4^th grade while helping a crying sister study for a test.
*Gathered with inohsunohburritoandthepuppies to watch DC++ed movies and hide behind pillows during scary parts
*Went skiing/falling on snow/attempted the half-pipe and embarrassed myself
*Exponentially expanded Tina the Tummy at family get-togethers
*Knee-slappingly laughed like a lunatic until tears formed in my eyes. Old photo albulms.
*Caught up with my funny-funny family. Even with the problems we have, I feel so blessed.


Today I left a surprisingly sunny Colorado and arrived at a very gloomy, wet Berkeley. Rain is synonymous with impending doom which is synonymous with school and the GIANT PILE OF WORK that awaits me. Grr.

:-D))