Today I was told,

Anything we can lose, we become anxious about it - because of our fear of diminishment.


It rings truth.

I have fears of losing people who I care about, whether it is physically or emotionally. I'm fearful of being cast in unfavorable light, becoming forgotten. At times I'm selfish and vain, wanting to be endeared and understood - but who doesn't desire these things?

A rapidly fading semester has droned through series of notorious motions: waiting, contemplating, being confuddled, being bitter. If I had to delicately pinpoint a recurring theme with my finger, it'd be feeling mostly empty. The disease called Nothingness needs to be repelled by converting this drought into a construction for the classic "stronger, independent self." But my other, much weaker side cannily whispers, you need the antidote of warmth!

I am given unconditional love. But I suffer from certain blindness.. and still mull over obscure, impermanent affection.

..And then I was asked, What do you put your priority on? Who you are or what you have?