and so..

explain.
Already registered as just a
wilted smile
but sometimes, driven to wonder

when the coldness of it all
begins to consume again.

vulnerable

we all cry out for understanding.


i feel strange having a "blog" (which sounds funny too ahaha), but i do enjoy it and the occasional next-blogging to a random part of the world...all those voices out there linked by this indifferent, online network of a community.
although public sharing makes me uneasy in a way, i still use it as 1.) an outlet for major procrastinating and 2.) a source of much guilt from being anti-productive :D

[recently] if every thought & action uncensored were noted to sincerely answer what makes you happy? and what makes you sad?....helping re-recognize everyone as truly imperfect. sensitive. and basically going through similar experiences. something i forget often, being engrossed in my own selfish little bubble.

once in awhile, i get an unexpected glimpse into someone's veiled emotions, and i'm blown away with guilt for having been so oblivious.

too many walls are kept up. we hide so much and reveal so little, even when talking with someone we love and trust.

four one one = spiffy love

before Our Big Date
( the tricultural trio, booyah! :D )

i'm so grateful for them
and for the crazy bond we share
>3<

best-est feeling

walking after my last midterm,
with beloved ipod
and fresh groceries
in hand
who would have thought?
renewed, not tired

as the sky dismantles
i pass
someone
laughing.


--------on the phone with my sister, who said---------
my dad bought 3 giant Costco-sized bags of jolly ranchers
and had the 3 youngest pick out only the grape and blue flavored,
his favorites -
so he can have quick access to them in his coat pockets
and stashed in the car.

i find this very cute. bahahha
they got to share the rest: edible confetti.


--------------------------------------------
ice skating, caterpillar chains, centripetal forces:
it was exhilarating to glide on something so
slippery and free.


------------------------
i thought - you were surprisingly catchy.

simple echoes

for all that I know
you can’t see me.
for all that I know
the last thread, came unraveled.

yet my lips search for vain hope
and my eyes the sunniest side.
in this way I receive from myself
an invitation to past delight.

during french class,

instead of paying attention in class like a good little girl, i doodle in my reader.

this is why i shall be very lost in the upcoming exam.

i need. to. pull my act together and quote,"put the stud in study" for french and english. :D mini-midterm, mini quiz, test, in-class essay, another midterm, then temporary freedom this weekend!

Today's finished work: typed a coherent total of 11 pages of english notes regarding Altieri's rambling. shared a delicious nap and shared an equally delicious wet burrito for dinner. mmm.



happy birthday to my lovely, second youngest sister! (who's in the doodle)
i can't wait to be home, where my first heart resides.
i miss my mommy.
i miss my Abba. and inohsunohburritogracejoy. ok, so basically the entire family.
i miss you all and love you! >3<

rummaging in my bag, i rediscovered that a highlighter is..

...very useful. for any ongoing reading, simply scan through and color what is significant and what holds relevance to a theme. you look back and can easily distinguish meaning amidst the rest of the jumble. yellow pink orange or blue.

in the short stream of continuing life, my highlighted lines are

revelations, bonding with family and strangers, heart warming conversations, the rise/fall of every relationship - humanity's generic and unique bliss vs sorrow..
though all become fleeting memories, they still underline being alive.
-a balance in divided times of feeling understood, misunderstood, complete, incomplete, optimistic, disappointed, innocent, ashamed, naive.

supposedly the gray blur exists to appreciate what's being made visible.

i've done things where i wish i had acted differently- but i'm not sure if i'd erase mistakes that still cause squirming with shame - cliche set aside, i'm preparing for a next time with the new insight diffused in me.. sometimes, i grow colder, and left with slighter more cynical eyes to look out of. at least i'm left more aware.

wow. reflecting on my past selves: how i've evolved to be more comfortable in my own skin. human development is fascinating! [insert nerdy giggle and waggling of eyebrows] hence my interest in psychology~
if i met my 25, 50 yr old self today - i wonder what i'd see, and what my future self would recognize in her young past. wondering at how time and environment and faith mingle together to help in the process of growth. we'd talk over yummy food for sure~ bahaha.

mm..i should be doing a history assignment right now. citing sources. :D
but a search for my yellow highlighter sparked this abstract notion in my head to be apprehended and written.

belated saturday afternoon

to do:
-engage in massive and belated study fest.
-make belated bday card.
-tune in patience.

to not do:
-internet, which is going on an eating rampage.
-wallow in laziness and what was.
-waste time. ex) like right now hahha

:-D)) Discussion with A: love is subjective, melted cheese + avocado on crackers = amazing

i love microwaves. maybe because they offer instant gratification. and warmth. fooood.

*random, but type in your name! http://www.kabalarians.com/Index.cfm

and so, the self-absorbed blog begins~ :)
I sense an addiction..

over hot chocolate

feeling better