Letting go to gain.
You and I, we struggle to live and struggle to be strong.
Often I put up a front, constructing my own defense mechanisms, holding myself back. The fear of exposing vulnerability and shame only results in disatisfaction in fufillment - numbed by emptiness, floating in loneliness.
God, this is me crying out for the love that is hard to recognize without complete abandonment.
Today, in the middle of English class I heard my old ringtone, and momentarily I sat lost and disorientated. Transported back to a year ago, to the more naive freshmen days. The reappearance of a familiar tune unearthed that small mound of hurt.
Often I put up a front, constructing my own defense mechanisms, holding myself back. The fear of exposing vulnerability and shame only results in disatisfaction in fufillment - numbed by emptiness, floating in loneliness.
God, this is me crying out for the love that is hard to recognize without complete abandonment.
Today, in the middle of English class I heard my old ringtone, and momentarily I sat lost and disorientated. Transported back to a year ago, to the more naive freshmen days. The reappearance of a familiar tune unearthed that small mound of hurt.
You'd think I'd get over the past quickly - because that's how growth is best instilled - but unconsciously or however suppressed, the old snubs and disappointments, the prolonged guilt, the hurt I received and gave, are all still there. Faded yet engraved.
2 Comments:
oh my dear Miriam. how deep your thoughts dig. persevere, sister.
don't you know? Pain is the breakfast of champions. Eat up, grow.
love ezra
ps. rock those finals.
pps. yes, your profile picture is beautiful.
I wish I could look like that-- if i were a girl...
thank you. like i said before, you always cheer me up :)
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